My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
