Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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