loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
