you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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