Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
