I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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