even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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