Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
