Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
