She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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