It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
