What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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