I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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