I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
