We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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