Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
