Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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