dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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