He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
