He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
