um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
