don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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