i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
