that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
