I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I did not marry a roomba.
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