so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
