3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
