the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
