Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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