Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
