yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
