If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
