Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
