So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
