Me too!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
