i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That was before I lit my hair on fire
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
