it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Damn victory sex feels great
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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