I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
