you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
time to smoke my breakfast
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
