Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
