I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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