Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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