I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
