dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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