when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
