I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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