Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
