I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
