yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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