Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
